There is not a single crisis or tragedy or event that definitely spells doom for everyone who encounters them.
People go through unthinkable challenges and come out the other side intact and even stronger while others don’t. The policies, procedures and behaviours of people who move forward and not get stuck with their problems can be learnt.
Your indicator that you have been stuck with your problem for too long is that you start to become somebody you are not proud of — you’re more bitter, more afraid, angrier and more worried. When you are stuck with your problem for too long, you need to back away from the problem and turn in a different direction and begin to learn.
The process is simple — turn, learn and move forward. Acknowledge that path you’re taking is not the one you should be taking, figure out what path you should take and then more in that direction.
Name the solution
Don’t waste too much time asking why(asking why helps, but it has a point of diminishing returns) and don’t waste your time naming the problem — over and over again. Name the solution instead. If it doesn’t have a name, you can’t learn it. The solution is in the exact opposite of whatever it is you are experiencing. Name it and make learning that solution your goal.
“ ̷U̷g̷h̷h̷h̷,̷ ̷w̷h̷y̷ ̷d̷o̷n̷’̷t̷ ̷I̷ ̷e̷v̷e̷r̷ ̷r̷e̷m̷e̷m̷b̷e̷r̷ ̷w̷h̷a̷t̷ ̷I̷ ̷s̷t̷u̷d̷i̷e̷d̷?̷”
“ ̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶’̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶n̶a̶ ̶k̶e̶e̶p̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶d̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶s̶a̶m̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶o̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶o̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶”
“I want to be able to study efficiently.”
And suddenly you know what you have to do and it looks quite learnable.
Watch out for all or nothing, polarized thinking
This is thinking things like “I’m an excellent ___” or “I’m a terrible ___” or “Everybody loves me” or “Everybody hates me”. This kind of thinking shows no growth, gauges no progress and keeps you stuck.
Watch your words
You will experience bumps and when you do, call them what they really are — bumps, not full-blown catastrophes. Bumps do not instigate the idea that everything is in ruins.
Persistence is key
Persisting for a bit is pretty useless. You need to persist until you get your desired results.
Watch out for these hang-ups that will keep you stuck:
- Ego
Ego makes you believe that your version of this problem is so special and so unique that you will not be able to get over it.
“All those other people may have gotten through this problem, but mine was handcrafted by the universe to punish me. So there’s nothing I can do about it.” - Fear
Fear tells you that it’s not going to work out and it won’t get better and that this is fatal and permanent.
“I can never fix this mess and everything will just be terrible forever.” - Pride
Pride keeps you from accepting that something is wrong and it keeps you from looking for solutions.
“I always do everything right and now suddenly I’ve hit this wall. So I’m gonna just stand here and wait for this wall to move.”
